UKFC needs saving-here’s some information…

The Uk Gov decided to scrap the Uk film council without even a seconds consultation. It threatens jobs, creativity and national identity…

Check out the UKFC website or the Save the UKFC facebook page.

Please send an email complaining to Jeremy Hunt. See what he sends back. huntj@parliament.uk

Send an email to Ed Vaizeye: vaizeye@parliament.uk

MOST IMPORTANTLY SIGN THIS PETITION

http://www.gopetition.co.uk/petitions/save-the-uk-film-council.html

Below is the reply I received. The gov’s idea is to cut bureaucracy- but this a false economy. The BFI and DCMS do not have the skill or the will to support the Film industry. BFI already has trouble managing their own awards- they don’t want the added burden of the responsibility of choosing films to fund- result quality and depth of UK film goes down. DCMS is the most bureaucratic of organizations. It will not be able to move quickly enough on the projects presented to it by foreign investors. Foreign investors want to talk to other filmmakers- because they understand the technical language and the time restraints involved not a well meaning but unqualified civil servant. And beside the DCMS does not have film at its heart. We all know its eyes are fixed on the Olympics and it will drop the ball.

I can’t believe the gov is so short sighted. Conservative voters love to hate fat cat film producers who get even fatter off tax payer dosh- but the truth is a whole industry of small people will  suffer- electricians, set dressers, drivers etc- will all suffer. Then there’s Hotels, shipping, catering etc etc who benefit from  foreign investors. It’s bye bye to this and bye bye to $500 million dollars of inward investment. Watch it slip baby..

Dear Sir

Thank you for your recent email to Jeremy Hunt regarding the abolition of the UK Film Council. I have been asked to respond.

As you know, the Secretary of State announced on 26 July that a number of our public bodies are set to be merged, abolished or streamlined. This is part of the Government’s drive to cut costs and increase transparency, accountability and efficiency. Some key functions carried out by these bodies will be transferred to other existing organisations. The Government will do further work over the summer to finalise the details and timing of these changes.

The Government is committed to keeping the key mechanisms which support the UK film industry. It will also maintain the film tax credit, currently worth over £100 million a year. Lottery funding, which currently stands at about £27 million a year, will remain and will increase after the Olympics. The Government is now considering options to transfer the distribution of these Lottery funds to other existing bodies, with a view to reducing administrative costs; and the Government will maintain key priorities such as strengthening the sustainability of the UK film industry and support its diversity. I can also assure you that all current commitments to film projects will be honoured as planned.

You may also be interested to know that the Government is committed to the long-term future of the British Film Institute (BFI), which plays an important role in our cultural heritage. Over the summer DCMS officials will discuss with the BFI the setting up of a direct, less bureaucratic relationship with this Department.

I should point out that the Government remains committed to the creative industries, and to the social and economic value they bring to the UK. They have not been singled out as an easy target, but where there is unnecessary bureaucracy it should be tackled to protect key assets and front line services.

Further information is available on our website: http://www.culture.gov.uk/news/news_stories/7280.aspx

Thank you again for writing in to express your views

Freaky Nazi job Interview.

Last week I went to the oddest of odd job interviews.

Looking through the ‘writers jobs’ section of Craigslist I found a listing for  ‘author needs an assistant to help finish a World War II / Holocaust book.’ The little hairs on my neck stuck up. “This is the perfect job for me. I have a masters degree in History. I’ve studied world war two and the Holocaust on a number of occasions. I’ll assist a respectable author. Great experience. Gimme gimme.” I whacked together a resume and sent it to the email address. An hour later an assistant phoned me and I had an interview for 2pm the next day.

2pm the following day I knocked on the door of an apartment in the most exclusive apartment block in Marina Del Rey. I was expecting the scholarly Jewish gentleman to answer the door. Instead a teenage skater-dude answered and told me to wait in the living room while his boss finished an important meeting. The living room had a small kitchenette, panoramic views of Los Angeles and  a lot of Nazi Memorabilia.  displayed in glass cases and hanging on the wall. My expectant, hopeful, little heart hit the floor. The owner weren’t no balanced historian, he were a fetishist. I wanted home but a  sense of manners, it’d be rude to walk out,  made me stay.

Adolfs, not Himmlers, but Goring's is similar.

I cautiously  inspected the display cases; officers hats from the army and SS. Knives, belt-buckles, flags. Mannequins with complete officers uniforms, one with a black leather SS coat. Two large Wehrmacht Eagles hanging from the wall. Air Marshall Goring’s gold-plated, engraved Walther PPK pistol.Plus, as  an after thought, one set of concentration camp pajamas and a baby blue electric guitar with a feather boa shoulder strap. “Give this sad old twat some chat. Don’t get into an argument and get out of here.” I sense someone standing behind me. I swivel around on my heels. A young guy in a baseball hat gives me the once over and looks disappointed. I ignore him and wait on the scholarly, misinformed gentleman. The kid holds out his hand. “I’m XXXXX . I’m the author. My assistant and I will be interviewing you.” “Oh fuck-sake,” I thought.

I sit opposite XXXXX and his assistant, a slightly depressed lady with an English Lit degree from NYU. Turns out this guy has a three-book deal from a great publishing house. “I am a German-American-Jew. I am a Nazi war crime perpetrator interviewer. I’ve been researching this book for ten years. I need  help finishing it by the deadline.”

“Those Nazi guys must be old by now? Do they show any signs of guilt?” I ask.

“No siree, they do not. Of course not. Where would the fun be in that?

“So what do you know about the Holocaust?” the assistant asks me.

“Where the fuck do I start?” I think.

“You do know what the Shoah is don’t you?” he chips in. “Yes, the systematic elimination of Jewish people, homosexuals, Romanov travellers, people with disabilities, etc etc etc.” I think, but I mumble something barely sensible. By now I am beat.

“What exactly did your History masters degree involve?”

“You two twats go get a history degree then come ask me that question,” I think, but I smile nervously.

“Show him,” XXXX says to the girl. She opens a leather-bound, typed memoir on the desk in front of me. XXXX stands up and points at the page. “You speak German. Read me some of this.” My German is strictly O-level but  my accent is excellent. I read the introduction to the book  in crisp comic strip Bavarian. (The book purported to be the war memoirs of a posh German officer, with a name like Von Schrauberlockerberg. It waswritten in a style similar  to Harry Flashman’s.) I gave up after  half a paragraph and looked at the kid to tell me what it all meant. He looked at me with disappointment and detached attraction. “Don’t ask me. I don’t speak no German. But hearing them words spoken in an English accent sure lends them a whole new meaning. ” A moment later XXXX left the room. He may have gone to the bathroom to play with himself, or to his bedroom to play ‘Tour of Duty’ on the computer with surfer-dude assistant, but I never saw him again.

The girl and I chatted for a while then I made my way home. Part of me was dejected. Part of me humiliated. But mostly I was confused. It took me a couple of days to get over it. If the memorabilia on display wasn’t rented from Universal Costume and Props department and I am not on Youtube, then XXXX has spent a lot of money amassing his collection. My guess is  there is tens of thousands of dollars of creepy military junk in that house. But is any of it actually real? The market for Nazi stuff is big enough to keep counterfeiters and con artists busy and wealthy. Just how gullible might XXXX be? And what is the provenance of the Von Poshmeister memoir he is basing his research on? Why isn’t it already part of a greater historical archive? Was he willingly ripped off?

Who is this XXXX anyway? Possibly he’s  a Youtube  practical joker. But more likely he genuinely has a publishing deal. Is he a revisionist? Probably not consciously. Does he have a balanced perspective of his subject matter? Clearly not. Does he have an accurate understanding of his subject matter? No, he can’t even read a word of  his main source material.

My guess is  he’s a rich boy and gets off on the power and horror of a terrible time in History. Rigor, clarity, accuracy are some of the skills I learned in my  History degree. And they are needed fi you want to construct a responsible  historical publication. Until that interview I hadn’t realized how important those lessons are.

One item from the display  haunts me more than the others. It is the baby blue electric guitar with the feather boa strap. Baby blue was Gorings favorite color. He also like to wear make up and ladies clothes and dance around drunk. Could that  actually been Gorings Fender? Does XXXX like to dance?

…god knows who I’m gonna trawl up with this blog.

Manifesting Scottish things in New York

I’m in NY for the Tribeca Film Festival. Saw a brilliant movie called “Ondine” by Neil Jordan. It is a wonderful modern fairy tail. Being modern the protagonists are multi-cultural, Irish, Romanian and Scottish. The story is about a Mermaid, or a what they call Silkies on the Hebredian Islands. Generously the Irish director and writers tipped their hat in the direction of their Gaelic cousins in telling the story.

I also saw “The disappearance of Alice Creed.” It’s an exciting three hander with Gemma Arterton, Eddie Marsan and …Scotsman Martin Compston, who is so good in  Ken Loach’s “Sweet Sixteen.”  The movie is a thriller with more twists and turns than a drunken man’s route home. All the characters are totally horrible and corrupted. Worth a peak for fun.

A small work of art I made for the coffee shop owner

Then last night I was reminiscing about Tunnocks Tea cakes and the Scotland 1978 football strip and I manifested some odd events for today. In the morning I went to a tea shop in Lower East Side. There was a large picture of a Tunnocks Tea cake on the wall. I commented and the owner turns out to be Scottish, from Port Seton. He had the most peaceful, generous energy to him and he gave me and my wife a Tunnocks Tea cake and a Caramel wafer as a present. He also set us up for a fun day.

Later as we sit in the park holding our treats up to the sky, to check they are real. A pretty girl with a Glasgow accent pops her head over the fence to ask where we got them. She turns out to be the actress Kelly Macdonald.

Later my wife heads off to a lunch meeting and I wander the streets. Outside a bar I find a car with a Lion Rampant sticker and my initials on the license plate. I think this is rather a coincidence and possibly a sign. Seeing as the car is outside a bar I decide it is a sign to enter the bar, and do so. Inside, as I order a pint, I look to my left and there, to my surprise is Kenny Dalglish…no only kidding. But there is a guy wearing the 1978 football strip, so we shared a few drinks…

Meanwhile Mrs Beverlyhillsjambo is having lunch somewhere swanky enough for Ted Danson to be sitting opposite (apparently he looks very handsome and very nice) but still neighbourhoody enough to not take credit cards. When it came to paying every one  patted their pockets and found no cash (very scottish) But, to their delight, the waitress told them not to worry, it had all been taken cared of. The man at the table beside them had discreetly paid for their meal. It turns out years ago he’d been traveling around Europe and spent his last pennies to go to Fort William, where a kindly old granny had taken pity on him and looked after him. Now the man was repaying her charity. And guess what the old granny fed him with his cup of tea? A tunnocks tea cake of course!

What is the moral of the story? Not sure. But it’s got to be something to do with Tunnocks Tea cakes making you smile and the whole world smiling back.

‘In the Loop’ and Scots at the 2010 Oscars.

The 2010 Oscars are coming up this Sunday…and I got to thinking about Scots who have won the coveted golden statuette.

Streaker at the Oscars presented by David Niven

Well Kirk Douglas got one for Spartacus… but wait, only his stage name is Scottish. The same applies to Joan Crawford, her real name was Lucille Le Seuer. There’s James Stewart who was nominated seven times and won a lifetime achievement Oscar, but to be fair, although his parents were Scots he was first generation American.

Sir Sean wins an Oscar

So this leaves us with a handful. First there is David Niven, (see my Avatar) who won best Actor in 1955, then there is Sir Sean Connery who got best supporting for playing an Irishman in ‘The Untouchables’. Kevin Macdonald won for best Documentary in 2000, Annie Lennox in 2004 for best song. Camera man Ian Neil  has won an astonishing eleven times… and Peter Capaldi  won a best short film in 1994 with , “Franz Kafka’s it’s a wonderful life.”

As it happens Peter Capaldi is in another film that is up for a nomination this year, for best Screenplay. Until recently Capaldi was best known for his sweet and innocent role as Oldsen in “Local Hero”, but in the film “In the Loop” he plays Malcolm Tucker, a Westminster spin doctor,  the antithesis of Oldsen. He rattles of insults quicker and louder and than a machine gun and he doesn’t care who he hits.

Capaldi described the film as the West Wing, but with bad teeth and swearing. It is written and directed by Glaswegian Armando Ianucci who has done lots of great British TV comedy like The Thick Of It and The Day Today. Ianucci is one the UK’s top political satirists and In the Loop satires a weak British politician who helps start a war for the Americans. Malcolm Tuckers job is to minimize the damage, in the most damaging way possible. It is one of the funniest films of the year and has the best swearing in any film, play or creative project.

Capaldi and Gondolfini

Through out the film there are slightly vicious Scotsmen, Tucker and Jamie Macdonald (Paul Higgins) who clean up the departmental mess like coked up sergeant majors. They reflect real spin doctors in the labour government, but as a Scotsman who  works in England , Ianucci relishes the chance to have a Scotsman bully some English folk and get the chip on his shoulder about being an outsider in his own country.

My favorite part of the whole film is when James Gandolfini and Malcolm Tucker have a huge argument. Gandolfini’s character is a mix between Tony Soprano and a bullying Army general, it looks like he has won a battle of words with Tucker, but in fact the Scotsman has the last laugh. Tucker puts the icing on the cake by reminding Gandolfini that he’s a Scot, not English. Touche. How often have we had to explain we’re no English, and seen that blank glaikit stare in their eyes? Well Tucker does what I’ve frequently wanted to do. Ram it down their gentle lovely throats.

Good luck to Armando and his crew for the Oscars. It is a huge outsider, but good luck..

Haggis and the secret rulers of the Universe.

It has long been suggested that us Scots are the secret rulers of the World, and America, through our influence within the secret societies of Free Masonry.

The US dollar bills have a masonic symbol, the all seeing eye and the pyramid, emblazoned upon them for all to see. Here the American masons practice “The Scottish rite”, which is so important that, even if I knew what it was I couldn’t tell you because I’d have to rip my own heart out and eat it as punishment.  Countless Presidents have been members of the Freemasons, including Washington, Jackson, Ford and Johnson. And it has even been suggested, by greater scholars than me, that the Bald headed Eagle, America’s national symbol is actually a nod of respect to Scotland, because it is unanimously accepted that the Bald- headed eagle is far inferior to our own Golden Eagle.

Golden Eagle

Inferior Eagle

But despite the overwhelming evidence that Scots are the secret rulers of the universe, I have discovered a shred of evidence against it. It is only a small thing but damning nonetheless. If we are the secret rulers, how come America bans the import of Haggis? Surely the Masons and presidents would be able to pull a few strings to get the Haggis ban lifted?

In 2002  I flew into JFK airport (by plane) and I was pulled aside by a customs official. He’d seen from my passport that I was Scottish. He had some serious questions to ask. “I’d like to see inside your luggage, sir.” “Certainly.” I opened my bag and watched the man step back and put a hand on his holster. “What is that?” He was pointing at my Horse hair sporran, I’d brought for the wedding I was going to. “My sporran, to go around my skirt,” I explained. The man poked the horse hair with the tip of a pen. He thought better than delving further into the bag. “Sir,” He said, finally getting to the important bit, ” are you transporting any meat or offal dishes in your luggage or on your person?” I must have hesitated. “Sir, are you transporting any Haggis’s?” “No,” I said (obviously)

You see Haggis, the national dish of Scotland has been banned in America since 1989. The official reason for the ban is to do with BSE,  mad cow disease, and cow and lamb from the UK is still thought to be dangerous.

This causes a lot of problems on Burns night (25th January,  Haggis eating day.) You cannot telephone McSweens the butchers in Edinburgh and have them courier over one of their famous  plump Haggis’s. McSweens are a reputable company, they won’t do it. You could ask a Brazilian peasant in Scotland to wrap a Haggis in a condom, swallow it and catch the next flight to the US. But this is problematic,  the peasant risks dying of indigestion. Another option for an exiled Scot is for him to make his own Haggis. This is quite do-able, all you need is a sheep’s stomach, lung, heart and a bunch of lovely spices.(Click here for recipe) But it’s a load o’ hassle, right?  The only feasible option is to buy yourself an AMERICAN haggis!!

McSweens: A respectable butchers.

Yes there are such things as  American Haggis. Last Burns night I hurried down to The Kings Head Pub shop in Santa Monica that sells every thing British. And I bought the last remaining Haggis. However it is not a real Haggis. It is a bit like saying a Hersey Bar is really chocolate. It’s called chocolate but it’s really vegetable oil and flavoring. similarly American Haggis contains no lung, heart or innards. It ‘s bit like white pudding, but many times stodgier. Disappointed?  Yes.

But why is the Haggis banned in a country that has terrible food standards? Here you can buy a burger or a Pattie at some chain restaurants for 99c or less- imagine the quality of that meat?  One argument is that the Americans are hypocritical if it’ll  help them make a penny or two. But I don’t think that is the reason. Here is the genius of it all. Here is the point that proves the legend. You see us Scots really are the secret rulers of America and the world but if we had it all our way it would look a bit too obvious. The cognoscenti, the Masons, the presidents keep Haggis  banned to keep the secret going. You see? Self evident. Think about it.

A Haggis Trafficker

Standard issue Haggis.

Random travel advice.

I wrote this article about going to a tailors shop in South East Asia. I sent it to a company, looking for blogging work from them, but they aint got back to me- aaahh. So rather than waste 700 words here it is. I hope someone might find it useful…

I’ve heard there are great tailors in Vietnam. How do I go about getting my clothes made ?

Many travelers setting off for a trip to South East Asia are already thinking about picking up a beautiful piece of bespoke tailoring at a bargain price. If you are heading for Vietnam then you are in for a treat. It is one of the centers for beautiful silks and fast, expert tailoring. There are tailors in all of the cities. As you walk past them there’ll be someone trying to wave you in, “Come see. Give you good deal”.  But what do you need to know before you choose your tailor?

The first thing to consider is that it will take the tailor a couple of days to make your clothes. I would estimate at least three days, including time for last minute adjustments. This means you either base yourself in the same city as the tailor. Or you go to the tailor at the start of the trip, leave town and swing back round at the end of your holiday. You certainly shouldn’t leave full payment and your address and expect the finished article to be waiting for you when you get home. There’s just too many things that can go wrong on the way.

Two cities with good tailors where I’d recommend a stop over are Ho Chi Minh city, which is in the south and Hoi An which is located on the coast in the center of the country. Ho Chi Minh is the most stylish city in Vietnam. It has the nickname ‘Paris of Asia’. You will see women wearing “ao-dai”, the traditional  long silk gowns, riding side saddle on motorbikes along French style boulevards. There are plenty of markets, restaurants and museums to keep you busy. Hoi An is a charming town with an historic centre that has survived the wars intact. It is well worth exploring. Its cuisine is famous throughout Vietnam and a delight to sample. There are also plenty of day trips to  the nearby coast and river delta.

The tailor shops vary in sophistication. If you want something that is going to take a lot of measuring then avoid the hole in the wall or street side tailors. In Vietnams hot and humid climate, a shop with air conditioning is always preferable. And remember you don’t have to buy from the first shop you go into. You can always say, “No”. Visit a few shops until you find the one you’re most comfortable in. Take the time to ask for prices in a number of shops. This way you can find the average and decide if your price is fair or not.

Once you’ve decided on your tailor they will show you books of patterns to choose from. If you bring them a favorite shirt, dress or jacket they will make copies of it for you too.  Remember then to pack that favorite thing before you leave home.

Once you’ve decided on a pattern they will measure you. Put vanity aside and make sure they give you an extra inch. This way if the tailor makes a mistake cutting the cloth and your shirt comes back too tight there will be spare fabric for them to make adjustments with.

Design and fabric chosen, measurements taken, you will now have to leave a deposit. The general rule is fifty percent, but you can barter it down a little. Remember to ask for the receipt and a copy of the agreed final price. (And the address. You wouldn’t be the first happy customer to never be united with their clothes). Never leave the full payment. One good reason is that it motivates the tailor to get your clothes right first time.

More than anything else remember to enjoy yourself. Hanging out in a shop, taking time to choose the pattern and the fabric can be the highlight of a holiday. It is a great way to meet the local people. Often the shops are family owned. You might meet three generations of tailors. If you’re lucky they’ll tell you stories of how their amazing country has changed over three lifetimes… (Copyright DJA 2010)

Golden Globe awards.

SO this Sunday 18th of Jan is the 67th annual GeeGee awards.The build up to the Oscars is well underway and sunday will  be a big indicator of what’s hot or not for the bigger award.

The Foreign Press association that runs the event are a notoriously fuddy duddy and snobby bunch but they are less restrained by politics (and less informed about film) than the Academy members who choose the Oscars.  This means they can make some nice decisions. For example in 2009 Mickey Rourke won best  GG actor award for ‘the Wrestler’, which was partly a sentimental decision. While Sean Penn won best actor Oscar for ‘Milk ‘, which was probably as he deserved.

Any way below there is a list of GG noms and for what it’s worth I’ll try to guess the winners. I’d love your tips too so go ahead and comment your guesses. Prize? A big hunk of nothing!

Oh and as far as gossip goes Brad Pitt is meant to be in a huff because he never got nommed for his role as John Wayne in Inglorious Basterds (good film stupid spelling) And apparently he won’t be going to the party. Oh well his big loss means we won’t have to look at his bovine eyes every time the camera pans past him.

Best Motion Picture — Drama

Avatar
The Hurt Locker***WIN I THINK***
Inglorious Basterds
Precious
Up in the Air

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama
Emily Blunt, The Young Victoria
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Helen Mirren, The Last Station ***WIN PLEASE***
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sadibe, Precious

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart***WIN I GUESS***
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Tobey Maguire, Brothers

Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
(500) Days of Summer
The Hangover
It’s Complicated
Julie & Julia
Nine ***WIN A DING DING***

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Sandra Bullock, The Proposal
Marion Cotillard, Nine
Meryl Streep, It’s Complicated
Meryl Streep, Julie and Julia ****A HOT PANCAKE***
Julia Roberts, Duplicity

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Matt Damon, The Informant
Daniel Day Lewis, Nine ***SING IF YOU”RE WINNING***
Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes
Joseph Gordon Levitt, (500) Days of Summer
Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Mo-Nique, Precious***VALUABLE AWARD***
Julianne Moore, A Single Man
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
Penelope Cruz, Nine

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Matt Damon, Invictus
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station ****DESERVES THIS***
Christopher Waltz, Inglorious Basterds
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger

Best Animated Feature Film
Coraline ***WIN***
The Fantastic Mr. Fox
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
The Princess and the Frog
Up

Best Foreign Language Film
Barria
Broken Embraces  ***WIN***
A Prophet
The White Ribbon
The Maid

Best Director — Motion Picture
Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker ***WIN***
James Cameron, Avatar
Clint Eastwood, Invictus
Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds 

Best Screenplay — Motion Picture
Up in the Air
It’s Complicated
District 9
The Hurt Locker ***WIN***
Inglorious Basterds

Best Original Score — Motion Picture
Michael Giacchino, Up  ***WIN***
Marvin Hamlisch, The Informant
James Horner, Avatar
Abel Krozeniowski, A Single Man
Karen O. and Carter Burwell, Where the Wild Things Are

Best Original Song — Motion Picture
“I Will See You,” Avatar
“The Weary Kind,” The Crazy Heart
“Winter,” Brothers
“Cinema Italiano,” Nine ***WIN***
“I Want to Come Home,” Everybody’s Fine

RELATED SITES:

• GOLDEN GLOBES.
• OSCARS
• DARWIN AWARDS
• AVATAR

Is it only sex?

Tera Patrick, the successful adult entertainment star, is signing copies of her autobiography “Sinner Takes All” at Booksoup on the Sunset strip .

I’m totally tempted to make lots of trite comments about her literary ability…but I gotta resist. In the spirit of American-ness- fair play to her. She worked hard to get where she is. Is she going to hell? Is she a wanton temptress? Or is she a victim? God only knows. The adult entertainment industry has victims and addicts of all sorts on either side of the fence. However, unfortunately, most women in the industry probably come off worse than the men who control it.  The directors and producers rake in big bucks while many chicks only get a couple hundred bucks a bang. And there ain’t no Screen Actors Guild to look after them. The woman, at once lauded for their beauty, are also objectified and demeaned. I think it is strange that the leaders of the free world-the USA- doesn’t regulate the industry a bit better. It’s never going to go away and there are arguments for it under freedom of speech but people involved need protection. The number of ladies who emerge from the industry as authors who have signings at Booksoup is small. There’s organizations like GirlsAgaistPorn who are concerned about this if you are interested.

As it happens, and as it can only happen in West Hollywood, there is  a nice couple who live in my apartment block. She is very quite and nice. She is also an ex-adult entertainment star. She is quite well known. Apparently you can buy a kind of action doll of her in the Hustler shop on Sunset. She now blogs to her fans AND writes books and poetry. The theme of some of her writing is to make girls think twice before getting involved in the industry. All power to her.

LA is definitely a big boys play ground. If you want to get into trouble you can. It was less than a mile away from my apartment on Sunset that Hugh Grant got arrested with Desiree. (Apparently the police had turned a blind eye on many occasions but he was taking the piss and they had to book him) And down on Santa Monica blvd the trannies hang out and dream that Mister Edward Murphy’s limo will pull up on their block.

I hear he is very good at golf.

The guy in my block, who kinda pisses me off a bit, is the music producer. He’s in his early fifties. He lives alone. He likes to party. One afternoon while I was in my study I heard a car pull up in the parking space below it. There was laughter and giggling. I spied out of my window and he was with two Russian girls. They were thirty years younger than him. “Lets go party,” he said. “You pay first. We party after,” the savviest of the girls said. I was kind of amazed. This was first class eavesdropping. It certainly beats my curtain twitching in Edinburgh where the most exciting thing my neighbors did was forget to pick up their doggie poop. I told my wife about this later. She barely blinked. She said something like, “Welcome to Hollywood”.

Clint Eastwood and Invictus.

Jonah Lomu All-black man mountain

The ‘awards season’ has been in full flow since the end of November. I’ve been lucky enough to catch a good number of screenings of new films. The soppiest and most sentimental of which was De Niro’s ‘Everybody’s fine.’ Isn’t that the worst title of any De Niro film? ‘The adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle’ is a bit silly but ‘Every body’s fine’ is  lame. It is about a newly widowed man who travels around the USA to meet his children, who are all too busy to visit him. De Niro and the cast are strong, but I found the whole set up too contrived. However,  it will certainly appeal to those who want a good weep at Christmas. It is also a ‘grey hair’ audience film. It is about old person issues, and now that the oldie audience is growing, due to our uncanny ability to live longer these days, so we’ll see more oldie films!

Clint pre-being old

Talking of Oldies I went to a screening of Clint Eastwood’s new movie- ‘Invictus’ .He did QnA afterwards too.  ‘Invictus’ is a sporting bio-pic about Nelson Mandela and South Africa’s world cup winning Rugby team. As far as bio-pics go it is good. All of the acting is good. Matt Damon is solid as Francois Pienaar and Morgan Freeman owns Mandela!  Naturally the film Hollywoodizes huge parts of the story glossing over the racism and some of Mandela’s family problems, and concentrates on Mandela’s incredible ability to inspire and lead a nation. All said and done, because the movie has such a positive note and such a clear message to leaders all over the world, I buy the Hollywoodization of the story. As a rugby fan I was disappointed by the recreation of the World cup and the rugby action sequences.  There just isn’t the intensity that you get in a real match, and the actor that plays Jonah Lomu clearly isn’t big enough (His legs are normal, not the width of tree trunks-could have done better Clint). I also knew what was going to happen at the end, which a lot of viewers do not, so I think that might have lessened the excitement a bit. (I watched the real final in a night club in Vietnam,  with a South African friend. We partied hard after the game and none of the Vietmanese gangsters and politicians understood why!)

Mandela and Pienaar / Freeman and Damon

The QnA afterwards was great. It was cool listening to one of my all time hero’s. ‘Good the bad and the ugly’ and ‘Where Eagles Dare’ were always on the TV when I was growing up.

Clint has certainly mellowed since he offered to blow that punks head off with the worlds most powerful hand gun. He talked about how he wanted this film to be an example to all world leaders and about the importance of over coming differences through kindness and understanding, no Sergeant Callaghan there. It turns out that the project was put together by Morgan Freeman who has been looking for a Nelson Mandela project for years (and who is pals with Nelson still) Clint described Matt Damon as one of the better actors of his generation and that Matt’s experience as a writer allows him to see the whole script and his whole role in a more complete way than many other actors. When asked how he got such great performances from his actors Clint said 80% of it is in the casting, get the person who can do the role most easily, then your light and breezy! Also I loved Clints work ethos. He doesn’t shoot long days. He tries to never go over twelve hours. He tries to keep the set as relaxed as possible and he doesn’t believe in doing lots of takes! I’d love to work for him and  I’d love to work like that, however I suspect he can get away with it because of his age and reputation, anyone else and the Warner Brother execs might be breathing down his neck. Any way Clint was a complete and utter gentleman, who is slightly hard of hearing and looks a bit like my Father in-law ( who is also in his eighties!)

Folk like Clint are fairly scarce in the old film industry, and at the moment I am waiting on a pay check that is a month over due. The reason is the production company can suit itself, and it didn’t have the courtesy to warn me it was low on the dollars. Anyway fingers crossed the cheque will come in before Christmas so I can put a little bit of food on the table! This isn’t the first time I’ve been paid late. There was also the time the Russian production company reduced the rate of pay after the film. There has been a cheque that bounced. And there was the guy at Green Room films in Edinburgh who just outright refused to pay w (and who does so routinely) This is just the nature of the business. It’s full of shits. The number one rule as a writer in this town is that if you are offered writing work you must get paid upfront. Studios will take the piss, they are not beyond it. And there are many fantasists who claim to be producers who will get you to write their life story or something similarly boring and waste your time until their attention goes somewhere else and you are left with diddly-squat. The litmus test is: if they are serious then they can afford to pay you some upfront. And if you are wondering about a price, make it high, a minimum of ten grand for a script should do it. This’ll scare off the liars and the big boys will respect you….

Good luck Mon Braves.

De Niro, Douglas,Pinter and National novel writing month.

 

Kirk Douglas 1949

 

 

Man oh man I been busy. This is national novel writing month. The idea is to write about 1500 words a day, without thinking about it too much and see what you get at the end of the month. The idea is you’ll have a first draft of a novel that is at least 50.000 words. Nanowrimo link.

I started writing late in the month so I have had to average high-about 3,000 words a day to get to where I am now which is 35,000. It’s been fun and I’m pleased with what I have written. It’s  Mid grade story and Freddie, the hero has just escaped the giant spider and the evil princess.

Steve Martin said the subconscious mind is the writer the conscious mind the editor. This process of writing in a month with out planning or editing is all subconscious work. It’s great to be able to work in this free wheeling kind of way. Two pals have also taken the challenge. One of them is buzzing with life, kinda energized by the experience. When I was most focused on the novel, last week, I was writting from somewhere ‘deep’ with in and that night I had the MOST trippy visual dreams, reflecting what I had been writing. It was fab. At one point there was knock on the door. “Whose there?” I asked.” Meisner”, a man replied. (actors will get it)

But I have still been getting on with my Hollywood lifestyle!! Last week I went to the Britannia awards, Bafta’s given to Americans. It was a super star studded event. I brushed shoulders with some huge Hollywood animals, the biggest shouldered of whom was the Governator himself Arnie. He can’t talk proper, he mumbled on about park benches or something, said Kirk Douglas was his entire inspiration and grinned those big gnashers of his. But imagine that, without Kirk there’d have been no Arnie, then no body building, then no gyms and we’d all be fat. Arnie then handed a life time achievement award to screen legend Kirk Douglas. Despite his stroke Kirk ran onto the stage. He told us all a lovely story about how he and Burt Lancaster had performed to the Queen in the London Paladium. He then sung “Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner.” And fairly scooted off the stage again! He is 92 but still a super star.

A whole bunch of other stars got awards but I can’t be bothered mentioning them becos they weren’t in the wild. They were indoors which I feel is less celebrity safari and more celebrity safari park. However Ben Stiller did take the piss out of Robert De Niro in a very funny speech (He took all the credit for De Niro’s career) then gave him another very important Bafta. Bob was cool as can be. He took the mick out of british theatrical lovies and retold his Travis Bickle lines from the Taxi Driver in a Sir John Geilgud voice “I say sir. Are you looking at me sir? I mean I wonder very much are you looking at me sir?”

Talking of Geilgud, god bless his thespian soul, I went to a really good production of Harold Pinters play “No mans Land” at the Odyssey theatre. Geilgud was one of the original cast, with Ralph Richardson (Oh I miss those chaps so!) Everyone was good but the lead, Alan Mundell was world class. The play is wonderfully from the subconscious. It is about success, the lack of it and the price of the two! Mandell has a wonderful monologue where he begs a character to change his life. See the play if you can. Mandell is Beckett scholar and worked with the man. Below is a link of his performance in the original version of ‘The endgame’ he is the guy in the bin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN0oXalNQ1Q

Also congratulations to my good buddy KJ Miller whose film ‘Nobody the great‘ ( a comedy about 2 posho brits who mistake the Gasman for a terrorsist) won the Bel Air Film Festival audience award.

Rock on.