Haggis and the secret rulers of the Universe.

It has long been suggested that us Scots are the secret rulers of the World, and America, through our influence within the secret societies of Free Masonry.

The US dollar bills have a masonic symbol, the all seeing eye and the pyramid, emblazoned upon them for all to see. Here the American masons practice “The Scottish rite”, which is so important that, even if I knew what it was I couldn’t tell you because I’d have to rip my own heart out and eat it as punishment.  Countless Presidents have been members of the Freemasons, including Washington, Jackson, Ford and Johnson. And it has even been suggested, by greater scholars than me, that the Bald headed Eagle, America’s national symbol is actually a nod of respect to Scotland, because it is unanimously accepted that the Bald- headed eagle is far inferior to our own Golden Eagle.

Golden Eagle

Inferior Eagle

But despite the overwhelming evidence that Scots are the secret rulers of the universe, I have discovered a shred of evidence against it. It is only a small thing but damning nonetheless. If we are the secret rulers, how come America bans the import of Haggis? Surely the Masons and presidents would be able to pull a few strings to get the Haggis ban lifted?

In 2002  I flew into JFK airport (by plane) and I was pulled aside by a customs official. He’d seen from my passport that I was Scottish. He had some serious questions to ask. “I’d like to see inside your luggage, sir.” “Certainly.” I opened my bag and watched the man step back and put a hand on his holster. “What is that?” He was pointing at my Horse hair sporran, I’d brought for the wedding I was going to. “My sporran, to go around my skirt,” I explained. The man poked the horse hair with the tip of a pen. He thought better than delving further into the bag. ”Sir,” He said, finally getting to the important bit, ” are you transporting any meat or offal dishes in your luggage or on your person?” I must have hesitated. “Sir, are you transporting any Haggis’s?” “No,” I said (obviously)

You see Haggis, the national dish of Scotland has been banned in America since 1989. The official reason for the ban is to do with BSE,  mad cow disease, and cow and lamb from the UK is still thought to be dangerous.

This causes a lot of problems on Burns night (25th January,  Haggis eating day.) You cannot telephone McSweens the butchers in Edinburgh and have them courier over one of their famous  plump Haggis’s. McSweens are a reputable company, they won’t do it. You could ask a Brazilian peasant in Scotland to wrap a Haggis in a condom, swallow it and catch the next flight to the US. But this is problematic,  the peasant risks dying of indigestion. Another option for an exiled Scot is for him to make his own Haggis. This is quite do-able, all you need is a sheep’s stomach, lung, heart and a bunch of lovely spices.(Click here for recipe) But it’s a load o’ hassle, right?  The only feasible option is to buy yourself an AMERICAN haggis!!

McSweens: A respectable butchers.

Yes there are such things as  American Haggis. Last Burns night I hurried down to The Kings Head Pub shop in Santa Monica that sells every thing British. And I bought the last remaining Haggis. However it is not a real Haggis. It is a bit like saying a Hersey Bar is really chocolate. It’s called chocolate but it’s really vegetable oil and flavoring. similarly American Haggis contains no lung, heart or innards. It ’s bit like white pudding, but many times stodgier. Disappointed?  Yes.

But why is the Haggis banned in a country that has terrible food standards? Here you can buy a burger or a Pattie at some chain restaurants for 99c or less- imagine the quality of that meat?  One argument is that the Americans are hypocritical if it’ll  help them make a penny or two. But I don’t think that is the reason. Here is the genius of it all. Here is the point that proves the legend. You see us Scots really are the secret rulers of America and the world but if we had it all our way it would look a bit too obvious. The cognoscenti, the Masons, the presidents keep Haggis  banned to keep the secret going. You see? Self evident. Think about it.

A Haggis Trafficker

Standard issue Haggis.

Random travel advice.

I wrote this article about going to a tailors shop in South East Asia. I sent it to a company, looking for blogging work from them, but they aint got back to me- aaahh. So rather than waste 700 words here it is. I hope someone might find it useful…

I’ve heard there are great tailors in Vietnam. How do I go about getting my clothes made ?

Many travelers setting off for a trip to South East Asia are already thinking about picking up a beautiful piece of bespoke tailoring at a bargain price. If you are heading for Vietnam then you are in for a treat. It is one of the centers for beautiful silks and fast, expert tailoring. There are tailors in all of the cities. As you walk past them there’ll be someone trying to wave you in, “Come see. Give you good deal”.  But what do you need to know before you choose your tailor?

The first thing to consider is that it will take the tailor a couple of days to make your clothes. I would estimate at least three days, including time for last minute adjustments. This means you either base yourself in the same city as the tailor. Or you go to the tailor at the start of the trip, leave town and swing back round at the end of your holiday. You certainly shouldn’t leave full payment and your address and expect the finished article to be waiting for you when you get home. There’s just too many things that can go wrong on the way.

Two cities with good tailors where I’d recommend a stop over are Ho Chi Minh city, which is in the south and Hoi An which is located on the coast in the center of the country. Ho Chi Minh is the most stylish city in Vietnam. It has the nickname ‘Paris of Asia’. You will see women wearing “ao-dai”, the traditional  long silk gowns, riding side saddle on motorbikes along French style boulevards. There are plenty of markets, restaurants and museums to keep you busy. Hoi An is a charming town with an historic centre that has survived the wars intact. It is well worth exploring. Its cuisine is famous throughout Vietnam and a delight to sample. There are also plenty of day trips to  the nearby coast and river delta.

The tailor shops vary in sophistication. If you want something that is going to take a lot of measuring then avoid the hole in the wall or street side tailors. In Vietnams hot and humid climate, a shop with air conditioning is always preferable. And remember you don’t have to buy from the first shop you go into. You can always say, “No”. Visit a few shops until you find the one you’re most comfortable in. Take the time to ask for prices in a number of shops. This way you can find the average and decide if your price is fair or not.

Once you’ve decided on your tailor they will show you books of patterns to choose from. If you bring them a favorite shirt, dress or jacket they will make copies of it for you too.  Remember then to pack that favorite thing before you leave home.

Once you’ve decided on a pattern they will measure you. Put vanity aside and make sure they give you an extra inch. This way if the tailor makes a mistake cutting the cloth and your shirt comes back too tight there will be spare fabric for them to make adjustments with.

Design and fabric chosen, measurements taken, you will now have to leave a deposit. The general rule is fifty percent, but you can barter it down a little. Remember to ask for the receipt and a copy of the agreed final price. (And the address. You wouldn’t be the first happy customer to never be united with their clothes). Never leave the full payment. One good reason is that it motivates the tailor to get your clothes right first time.

More than anything else remember to enjoy yourself. Hanging out in a shop, taking time to choose the pattern and the fabric can be the highlight of a holiday. It is a great way to meet the local people. Often the shops are family owned. You might meet three generations of tailors. If you’re lucky they’ll tell you stories of how their amazing country has changed over three lifetimes… (Copyright DJA 2010)

Golden Globe awards.

SO this Sunday 18th of Jan is the 67th annual GeeGee awards.The build up to the Oscars is well underway and sunday will  be a big indicator of what’s hot or not for the bigger award.

The Foreign Press association that runs the event are a notoriously fuddy duddy and snobby bunch but they are less restrained by politics (and less informed about film) than the Academy members who choose the Oscars.  This means they can make some nice decisions. For example in 2009 Mickey Rourke won best  GG actor award for ‘the Wrestler’, which was partly a sentimental decision. While Sean Penn won best actor Oscar for ‘Milk ‘, which was probably as he deserved.

Any way below there is a list of GG noms and for what it’s worth I’ll try to guess the winners. I’d love your tips too so go ahead and comment your guesses. Prize? A big hunk of nothing!

Oh and as far as gossip goes Brad Pitt is meant to be in a huff because he never got nommed for his role as John Wayne in Inglorious Basterds (good film stupid spelling) And apparently he won’t be going to the party. Oh well his big loss means we won’t have to look at his bovine eyes every time the camera pans past him.

Best Motion Picture — Drama

Avatar
The Hurt Locker***WIN I THINK***
Inglorious Basterds
Precious
Up in the Air

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama
Emily Blunt, The Young Victoria
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Helen Mirren, The Last Station ***WIN PLEASE***
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sadibe, Precious

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart***WIN I GUESS***
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Tobey Maguire, Brothers

Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
(500) Days of Summer
The Hangover
It’s Complicated
Julie & Julia
Nine ***WIN A DING DING***

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Sandra Bullock, The Proposal
Marion Cotillard, Nine
Meryl Streep, It’s Complicated
Meryl Streep, Julie and Julia ****A HOT PANCAKE***
Julia Roberts, Duplicity

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Matt Damon, The Informant
Daniel Day Lewis, Nine ***SING IF YOU”RE WINNING***
Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes
Joseph Gordon Levitt, (500) Days of Summer
Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Mo-Nique, Precious***VALUABLE AWARD***
Julianne Moore, A Single Man
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
Penelope Cruz, Nine

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Matt Damon, Invictus
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station ****DESERVES THIS***
Christopher Waltz, Inglorious Basterds
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger

Best Animated Feature Film
Coraline ***WIN***
The Fantastic Mr. Fox
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
The Princess and the Frog
Up

Best Foreign Language Film
Barria
Broken Embraces  ***WIN***
A Prophet
The White Ribbon
The Maid

Best Director — Motion Picture
Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker ***WIN***
James Cameron, Avatar
Clint Eastwood, Invictus
Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds 

Best Screenplay — Motion Picture
Up in the Air
It’s Complicated
District 9
The Hurt Locker ***WIN***
Inglorious Basterds

Best Original Score — Motion Picture
Michael Giacchino, Up  ***WIN***
Marvin Hamlisch, The Informant
James Horner, Avatar
Abel Krozeniowski, A Single Man
Karen O. and Carter Burwell, Where the Wild Things Are

Best Original Song — Motion Picture
“I Will See You,” Avatar
“The Weary Kind,” The Crazy Heart
“Winter,” Brothers
“Cinema Italiano,” Nine ***WIN***
“I Want to Come Home,” Everybody’s Fine

RELATED SITES:

• GOLDEN GLOBES.
• OSCARS
• DARWIN AWARDS
• AVATAR

The women of West Hollywood.

I live close to Brittany Murphy’s old home. It is a nice large house on one of the winding roads that climb the steep Hollywood hills. The house is on the North side of  the Sunset strip and this is the posher side, the side you want to live, the side that says you have really made it. Of course if you do live there it doesn’t necessarily mean you earned the money to buy the place. There’s plenty of girlfriends, wives and husbands who are living there on the back of some one elses merit. Brittany Murphy’s widow, Simon Monjak is a good example of this.

Like me he is a Brit. Unlike me he is rather fat and swarthy. The rumors are that he is a con man. I cannot corroborate. He is credited for the story  and as exec-producer of “Factory Girl” (Sienna Miller pic about Andy Warhol) Apparently he bullied his way into the production by claiming the producers had stolen his ‘original’ story and then threatening to sue. Rather than lose their investment the producers let him in.

There are also rumors that he dealt with procuring his wife with various drugs. Brittany had problems with class-A drugs, no doubt, she’d done rehab. If Monjack was her fixer it adds a terrible twist to the end of her life. Why didn’t he call the paramedics sooner?

She was a talented woman with a lot more to offer.  RIP Brittany.

Monjack’s reaction to the death of his wife was strange. But I am sure he loved her. She was way out his league and he must know his best days are over. But Tina Tequila’s reaction to the death of  her girlfriend Casey Johnson, heiress to the Johnson and Johnson pharmaceutical fortune is enough to make me cringe in my brogues. She has here greedy little eyes set on a promotion, or an elevation up the hill anyway.

Tina Tequila also lives near to me. But she is on the south side of the Sunset strip, slightly further down the hill. And that’s where she should be cos she is definitely on the wrong side of the tracks. Her TV show is a lesbian dating show. It made my toes curl and the insides of my stomach want to hit the far wall. In a European world we might have somehow managed to make the show something tasteful and still kept if fun. Here the show is lipstick lesbian fantasy prime time soft pornfor men. And Tina is the kind of trailer trash no brain person we need a lot more of on TV at any moment now.

Casey, her GF, it seems was a wild one anyway. But making publicity out of it shows Tina for what she really is.

Someone else who lives not far from here, but further up the hill than either of the other two is Joan Collins. I saw here twice in two days. The first time was in Hamburger Hamlet on Sunset and Doheny. She swept into the room and set it alight with her laughter and fun. And in a room full of old style Hollywood hacks that is an achievement. She was wearing a bright red coat and a smart white woolen hat. She was pure Dynasty and for a sucker like me  who is in to old school celebs and manners it was a great spot. Celebrity safari wise…I’m not sure. Something slithe and sexy but a bit light weight. She also likes a bit of leopard print. So I’ll go Leopard. Quite rare and a dying breed.

The second time I saw her I was having a coffee in a shop on Sunset. An 80’s gold roller pulled up in front of me at the lights. By the time it had stopped swaying on it’s suspension I saw the passenger. She was wearing a lovely woolen hat. Her dresses were hanging over the back windows in dry cleaners bags. She was talking two to a dozen and waving her hands at the driver a large grey haired man who looked like he’d been tough once but now spends his time on the golf course and in the bar. T’was very surreal.

BTW Hamburger Hamlet, the Hamlet, is a good place to check out if you are visiting. In the day it was the Ivy or the Spago. Now it is a little sad and the food is fading. You need to sit in the

Judd Nelson on the Taproom

Taproom because the main area has lost its charm. But in its day Sinatra, Sammy David Jnr and Monroe ate in style. One person from the old days is still there. She’s the Maitre Dee a petite older lady who hands out tables like they are tickets to the Oscars. She’s seen a few things in her day. She was married to the late great Marvin Gaye.

Is it only sex?

Tera Patrick, the successful adult entertainment star, is signing copies of her autobiography “Sinner Takes All” at Booksoup on the Sunset strip .

I’m totally tempted to make lots of trite comments about her literary ability…but I gotta resist. In the spirit of American-ness- fair play to her. She worked hard to get where she is. Is she going to hell? Is she a wanton temptress? Or is she a victim? God only knows. The adult entertainment industry has victims and addicts of all sorts on either side of the fence. However, unfortunately, most women in the industry probably come off worse than the men who control it.  The directors and producers rake in big bucks while many chicks only get a couple hundred bucks a bang. And there ain’t no Screen Actors Guild to look after them. The woman, at once lauded for their beauty, are also objectified and demeaned. I think it is strange that the leaders of the free world-the USA- doesn’t regulate the industry a bit better. It’s never going to go away and there are arguments for it under freedom of speech but people involved need protection. The number of ladies who emerge from the industry as authors who have signings at Booksoup is small. There’s organizations like GirlsAgaistPorn who are concerned about this if you are interested.

As it happens, and as it can only happen in West Hollywood, there is  a nice couple who live in my apartment block. She is very quite and nice. She is also an ex-adult entertainment star. She is quite well known. Apparently you can buy a kind of action doll of her in the Hustler shop on Sunset. She now blogs to her fans AND writes books and poetry. The theme of some of her writing is to make girls think twice before getting involved in the industry. All power to her.

LA is definitely a big boys play ground. If you want to get into trouble you can. It was less than a mile away from my apartment on Sunset that Hugh Grant got arrested with Desiree. (Apparently the police had turned a blind eye on many occasions but he was taking the piss and they had to book him) And down on Santa Monica blvd the trannies hang out and dream that Mister Edward Murphy’s limo will pull up on their block.

I hear he is very good at golf.

The guy in my block, who kinda pisses me off a bit, is the music producer. He’s in his early fifties. He lives alone. He likes to party. One afternoon while I was in my study I heard a car pull up in the parking space below it. There was laughter and giggling. I spied out of my window and he was with two Russian girls. They were thirty years younger than him. “Lets go party,” he said. “You pay first. We party after,” the savviest of the girls said. I was kind of amazed. This was first class eavesdropping. It certainly beats my curtain twitching in Edinburgh where the most exciting thing my neighbors did was forget to pick up their doggie poop. I told my wife about this later. She barely blinked. She said something like, “Welcome to Hollywood”.

Clint Eastwood and Invictus.

Jonah Lomu All-black man mountain

The ‘awards season’ has been in full flow since the end of November. I’ve been lucky enough to catch a good number of screenings of new films. The soppiest and most sentimental of which was De Niro’s ‘Everybody’s fine.’ Isn’t that the worst title of any De Niro film? ‘The adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle’ is a bit silly but ‘Every body’s fine’ is  lame. It is about a newly widowed man who travels around the USA to meet his children, who are all too busy to visit him. De Niro and the cast are strong, but I found the whole set up too contrived. However,  it will certainly appeal to those who want a good weep at Christmas. It is also a ‘grey hair’ audience film. It is about old person issues, and now that the oldie audience is growing, due to our uncanny ability to live longer these days, so we’ll see more oldie films!

Clint pre-being old

Talking of Oldies I went to a screening of Clint Eastwood’s new movie- ‘Invictus’ .He did QnA afterwards too.  ’Invictus’ is a sporting bio-pic about Nelson Mandela and South Africa’s world cup winning Rugby team. As far as bio-pics go it is good. All of the acting is good. Matt Damon is solid as Francois Pienaar and Morgan Freeman owns Mandela!  Naturally the film Hollywoodizes huge parts of the story glossing over the racism and some of Mandela’s family problems, and concentrates on Mandela’s incredible ability to inspire and lead a nation. All said and done, because the movie has such a positive note and such a clear message to leaders all over the world, I buy the Hollywoodization of the story. As a rugby fan I was disappointed by the recreation of the World cup and the rugby action sequences.  There just isn’t the intensity that you get in a real match, and the actor that plays Jonah Lomu clearly isn’t big enough (His legs are normal, not the width of tree trunks-could have done better Clint). I also knew what was going to happen at the end, which a lot of viewers do not, so I think that might have lessened the excitement a bit. (I watched the real final in a night club in Vietnam,  with a South African friend. We partied hard after the game and none of the Vietmanese gangsters and politicians understood why!)

Mandela and Pienaar / Freeman and Damon

The QnA afterwards was great. It was cool listening to one of my all time hero’s. ‘Good the bad and the ugly’ and ‘Where Eagles Dare’ were always on the TV when I was growing up.

Clint has certainly mellowed since he offered to blow that punks head off with the worlds most powerful hand gun. He talked about how he wanted this film to be an example to all world leaders and about the importance of over coming differences through kindness and understanding, no Sergeant Callaghan there. It turns out that the project was put together by Morgan Freeman who has been looking for a Nelson Mandela project for years (and who is pals with Nelson still) Clint described Matt Damon as one of the better actors of his generation and that Matt’s experience as a writer allows him to see the whole script and his whole role in a more complete way than many other actors. When asked how he got such great performances from his actors Clint said 80% of it is in the casting, get the person who can do the role most easily, then your light and breezy! Also I loved Clints work ethos. He doesn’t shoot long days. He tries to never go over twelve hours. He tries to keep the set as relaxed as possible and he doesn’t believe in doing lots of takes! I’d love to work for him and  I’d love to work like that, however I suspect he can get away with it because of his age and reputation, anyone else and the Warner Brother execs might be breathing down his neck. Any way Clint was a complete and utter gentleman, who is slightly hard of hearing and looks a bit like my Father in-law ( who is also in his eighties!)

Folk like Clint are fairly scarce in the old film industry, and at the moment I am waiting on a pay check that is a month over due. The reason is the production company can suit itself, and it didn’t have the courtesy to warn me it was low on the dollars. Anyway fingers crossed the cheque will come in before Christmas so I can put a little bit of food on the table! This isn’t the first time I’ve been paid late. There was also the time the Russian production company reduced the rate of pay after the film. There has been a cheque that bounced. And there was the guy at Green Room films in Edinburgh who just outright refused to pay w (and who does so routinely) This is just the nature of the business. It’s full of shits. The number one rule as a writer in this town is that if you are offered writing work you must get paid upfront. Studios will take the piss, they are not beyond it. And there are many fantasists who claim to be producers who will get you to write their life story or something similarly boring and waste your time until their attention goes somewhere else and you are left with diddly-squat. The litmus test is: if they are serious then they can afford to pay you some upfront. And if you are wondering about a price, make it high, a minimum of ten grand for a script should do it. This’ll scare off the liars and the big boys will respect you….

Good luck Mon Braves.

De Niro, Douglas,Pinter and National novel writing month.

 

Kirk Douglas 1949

 

 

Man oh man I been busy. This is national novel writing month. The idea is to write about 1500 words a day, without thinking about it too much and see what you get at the end of the month. The idea is you’ll have a first draft of a novel that is at least 50.000 words. Nanowrimo link.

I started writing late in the month so I have had to average high-about 3,000 words a day to get to where I am now which is 35,000. It’s been fun and I’m pleased with what I have written. It’s  Mid grade story and Freddie, the hero has just escaped the giant spider and the evil princess.

Steve Martin said the subconscious mind is the writer the conscious mind the editor. This process of writing in a month with out planning or editing is all subconscious work. It’s great to be able to work in this free wheeling kind of way. Two pals have also taken the challenge. One of them is buzzing with life, kinda energized by the experience. When I was most focused on the novel, last week, I was writting from somewhere ‘deep’ with in and that night I had the MOST trippy visual dreams, reflecting what I had been writing. It was fab. At one point there was knock on the door. “Whose there?” I asked.” Meisner”, a man replied. (actors will get it)

But I have still been getting on with my Hollywood lifestyle!! Last week I went to the Britannia awards, Bafta’s given to Americans. It was a super star studded event. I brushed shoulders with some huge Hollywood animals, the biggest shouldered of whom was the Governator himself Arnie. He can’t talk proper, he mumbled on about park benches or something, said Kirk Douglas was his entire inspiration and grinned those big gnashers of his. But imagine that, without Kirk there’d have been no Arnie, then no body building, then no gyms and we’d all be fat. Arnie then handed a life time achievement award to screen legend Kirk Douglas. Despite his stroke Kirk ran onto the stage. He told us all a lovely story about how he and Burt Lancaster had performed to the Queen in the London Paladium. He then sung “Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner.” And fairly scooted off the stage again! He is 92 but still a super star.

A whole bunch of other stars got awards but I can’t be bothered mentioning them becos they weren’t in the wild. They were indoors which I feel is less celebrity safari and more celebrity safari park. However Ben Stiller did take the piss out of Robert De Niro in a very funny speech (He took all the credit for De Niro’s career) then gave him another very important Bafta. Bob was cool as can be. He took the mick out of british theatrical lovies and retold his Travis Bickle lines from the Taxi Driver in a Sir John Geilgud voice “I say sir. Are you looking at me sir? I mean I wonder very much are you looking at me sir?”

Talking of Geilgud, god bless his thespian soul, I went to a really good production of Harold Pinters play “No mans Land” at the Odyssey theatre. Geilgud was one of the original cast, with Ralph Richardson (Oh I miss those chaps so!) Everyone was good but the lead, Alan Mundell was world class. The play is wonderfully from the subconscious. It is about success, the lack of it and the price of the two! Mandell has a wonderful monologue where he begs a character to change his life. See the play if you can. Mandell is Beckett scholar and worked with the man. Below is a link of his performance in the original version of ‘The endgame’ he is the guy in the bin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN0oXalNQ1Q

Also congratulations to my good buddy KJ Miller whose film ‘Nobody the great‘ ( a comedy about 2 posho brits who mistake the Gasman for a terrorsist) won the Bel Air Film Festival audience award.

Rock on.

Distribution U- New ways to distribute your movie.

Spent today at the Distribution U conference at USC. It was hosted by internet distribution Guru’s Peter Broderick and Scott Kirsner who both delight in finding strategies that will turn the old world of film distribution on it’s head…

They said so much interesting stuff, too much to write here, so I’ll stick down some links to people who have already managed to negotiate the tricky course of getting your film seen-when the big distributors aren’t throwing cash at you. 

The moral of the story is ‘try anything, be as imaginative as possible- it’s all still new’, and start your marketing strategy long b4 you start your film. In the future the independent producer is going to need as much about websites as filmmaking and they will have to be much more hands on in the process. There will be new film jobs- such as internet coordinator.

Pioneers Links: Four eyed Monsters

Jill Sobule

I was really impressed by Sacha Gervasi who produced a documentary about an ancient heavy metal band called ‘ANVIL! The story of Anvil.’ Any one seen it?  Click the link for fun!!

Anvil- check it out

Halloween, Cricket and Props.

Last Saturday, the 31st of October, Halloween, Samhain, descent into deep winter and I am playing cricket beneath the Hollywood sign, in the blazing sun.

Beverlyhills and Hollywood Cricket Club

It was a special occasion, Halloween and the cricket match. For many Americans Halloween is a huge ‘holiday’. West Hollywood embraces the festival with a huge street party, the costumes and atmosphere is amazing. LA’s concentration of creatives, make up artists and costume designers makes for amazing costumes. They  create costumes based on Hollywood film  icons- Freddie, Dracula, Snow White, Jason, Toxic Avenger. This year two hundred thousand people took to the streets- nearly as many as Edinburgh’s Hogmanay.  Perhaps the Los Angelinos take to it because it’s an escape form their normally very restrained and puritan lifestyles. 

Hollywood Halloween barely mentions death. But the Day of the Dead, the Mexican celebration on the 1st of Nov is more like it! People build alters for dead relatives. And they stare the future right in its scary face. Here are some pics my pal Martina took from the Hollywood Forever graveyard on the day.

However  Hallow-bloody-ween was not foremost in the minds of the members of the Beverly Hills and Hollywood Cricket Club. Oh no! Instead it was Old boys against New boys, celebrating its twentieth birthday. We played on the clubs original pitch, which is now a dog park, beneath the hollywood sign. It had to be done, didn’t it!  

I’m not massively into cricket. Soccer, I mean footie, is my thing, but I’ve been playing a bit since I got over here. It is the ex-pat thing of becoming more British abroad, that I have been trying, and succeeding to avoid, most of the time. But Cricket is much easier over here. Probably because of the weather and the big open spaces. Evelyn Waugh wrote a story about cricket in Hollywood called ‘The Loved one’.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Loved_One
It is a parody of Britishness based on Sir Aubrey Smith, a real life tyrant, public school fart, who lived and bored in Hollywood in the 40’s… Cricket is also set to raise its profile with “Netherland” the book by Joseph O’Neil, which is about cricket in NY during 9/11 and it is set to become “Netherland” the movie soon too.

Finally, I was prop master on a commercial this week. The Director was a radge. Before shooting he’d talk to the actors sweetly, giving them so much confidence. Then he’d sit behind the camera and scream at them. No wonder it took so long to get a good shot, poor actors were frazzled! But I love the prop houses in the valley. Here are some pics from the interior of Lenny Marvins prop heaven http://www.incengine.org/incEngine/?store=propheaven

Lenny's Heid

Chairs hanging out

Snow Patrol, detoxing and the Korean social club.

I’m detoxing. What can be more Californian? I’m following a regimen based on a book written by my transcendental Meditation teacher (Oh I just found something more californian than detoxing- TM) The book is called ‘Cleane’. It’s very good.

I have detoxed before but in an Ashram, where I was protected from the world. This detox is far more challenging because I am attempting to live a normal life while only eating a solid meal at lunch and juice or veg smoothies. The lack of caffeine and the sugar lows have quite an effect- a bit like angry jet lag. I can’t quite focus (either eyes or  mind) and I go through bouts of grumpiness. The other day at work I accidently deleted something I’d been working on and had a tantrum. My colleagues were extremely understanding (they are Californian, they are not strangers to the idea of a good cleanse) and they led me to the kitchen for a mango and humus smoothie.

That night T and I went to a Snow Patrol concert in the Wiltern. I’m not a mega fan, to be honest, but I had known the original band, for a short while, when they were still based in Dundee, Scotland. The guys played at my pals Chris and George’s wedding and they were fab (so were Chris and George). So seein ‘em here seemed like the fun thing to do. Being on a detox certainly helped the experience. Getting to the concert was the first challenge. The concert was at the Wiltern, which is a fantastic art Deco theatre   on Wishire Blvd. It’s only a ten minute drive away but I was so carb-deprived it took me and Tara  twenty minutes. Car lights were sweeping past me with neon trailers, at one point I think we went through a snow blizzard. At the gig we didn’t have any booze, a first for me. And then as we watched the very good Plain White Tees we felt kind of sleepy- mellow even. As it happens this detoxed semi drugged state was the perfect way to watch Snow Patrol. Since their Indie-jeepster days they have developed a kind of Alternative Rock, Pop Fusion! Gary Lightbody the lead singer, and most of  his band, seemed particularily sexed up and the girls, and quite a few boys, loved it. The result is kind of Boyzone-Prog rock. No wonder they’ve supported U2 and the likes. The set ran nicely one song into another like a stoned night in student halls. (Also, Richard Colburn from the excellent Belle and Sebastian was on precussion.) They played their new single ‘ Just Say Yes’, which is slightly rockier than most of their songs. But the gig was a lot of fun and the LA crowd was excellent.  We left the gig with our pals feeling   we were going to survive the detox. I’m still not a big fan, I still think the sound is too squidy and the themes too samey for me, but rock on to them. Seven million album sales be praised.

We now decided to walk to the nearest pub to watch our pals have  a beer. Walking to the nearest pub, this being LA, took twenty minutes and it turned out to be a  snug and freindly Korean Social club. T and I stared at the others as they enjoyed a pint of Hite beer and sipped a spicy chick pea soup. Damn it, the things you sacrifice on this detox. Anyway LA has a large Korean community and we stumbled on one of it’s many gems. We’ll be back once we can eat solids again. And I would give you the name of the joint but I can’t, I don’t read Korean very well…